Our Little Dram
by Chelsie Dagger
Summary: 1926. Mrs. Patmore relives an embarrassing memory.


**A little Tumblr bird told me it was someone's birthday today…Happy Birthday, Chelsie Fan!**

 **This is the 'Beryl in a Bathtub' supplemental I promised.**

* * *

 _One Monday night in 1926..._

"Don't you dare, Elsie Carson!" Beryl Patmore protested. "I didn't agree to that."

"But you _did_ agree to a hen night, and the stated purpose of such a night is to embarrass the bride-to-be," Elsie giggled.

"Whoever heard such nonsense?" The redhead betrothed blustered.

"I believe it was what you told me on the eve of _my_ wedding," Elsie reminded her triumphantly.

"Bollocks!" Beryl cursed.

"Oh, Mrs. Patmore!" A very shocked Daisy exclaimed before breaking out in laughing hysterics.

"Now you've teased us, you must finish the story," Miss Baxter begged loudly. The usually quiet woman's cheeks were flushed from the wine that had been magically replenishing itself in her glass.

Anna, Madge, Mrs. Field and Beryl's sister Kate rounded out the party of women currently gathered in a noisy corner of the Dog and Duck. A similar party of men were entertaining Mr. Mason in the Grantham Arms across the village.

"Do tell us," Anna prompted. "How does one end up in the men's bathroom in the men's dormitory? I think Mr. Mason might want to know the answer to that one, Mrs. Patmore."

"Here's how it happened…" Elsie began.

"Hold on there, missy," Beryl slurred. "If anyone is going to tell this story, it should be me."

"Very well, but I'll see that you keep to the facts," Elsie warned. She motioned over to the barkeep for him to bring another round of libations.

"'Twas my first Christmas as Downton's cook. I'd been assistant cook for over five years, putting up with Mrs. Rees' despotic reign. God, how I admired that woman," Beryl said with sudden emotion.

"To Mrs. Rees," Elsie offered as the new round of drinks was passing around. The women toasted enthusiastically to a woman only two of them had ever met.

"Since it was to be my fist Christmas…I mean, my _first_ Christmas as head cook, Mrs. Rees offered to stay aboard as a sort of consultant and safety net. I didn't need it, but I could tell she wanted to enjoy one last holiday at Downton. I could hardly begrudge her that."

"Very thoughtful of you," Mrs. Field approved heartily.

"Things were all set and preparations were coming along a pace when word came that Mrs. Curtis, the housekeeper at the time, would need to be gone over Christmas. So I was to be stuck with an inexperienced lass at housekeeper."

"That was me," Elsie clarified for the others. "And I wasn't as green as all that."

"You were new to Downton which was trouble enough," Beryl insisted.

"But things were going very well, until Christmas Eve," Elsie said suggestively.

"I blame Mr. Carson," Beryl lisped, pointing her finger emphatically on the top of the table. "He should have known better."

"I agree," Elsie laughed.

"What did he do?" Daisy asked excitedly.

"It's a Downton tradition that the cook receives a bottle of port from the butler at Christmas," Beryl explained. "No one knows when or where it began, but you know that Charlie Carson is bloody well going to stick to tradition. So that fateful year, he gifted both Mrs. Rees and myself with a bottle of our own."

"Daft man," Elsie said sympathetically.

"I don't understand," Miss Baxter asked groggily. "Why shouldn't you each receive your own?"

"Because Mr. Carson should have realized that the two cooks would drink whatever he gave them," Elsie explained.

"You each drank a whole bottle? Of port?" Anna asked with a mixture of terror and respect.

"Aye!" Beryl proclaimed proudly, polishing off the last of her current glass.

"She's half way there tonight," Miss Baxter whispered loudly.

"Damn, I'm behind schedule!" The cook joked and tapped her empty glass. Elsie topped off her glass from the water jug the barkeep had left behind on his last trip. "What's this dreck?"

"Just have a bit of water before your next glass, dear. I'd hate to have to explain to Mr. Mason why his bride had a headache on her wedding night."

"Cheeky," Beryl pouted, but drank her water dutifully.

"So you drank an unwise amount of alcohol on Christmas Eve," Mrs. Field brought them back to the story.

"Yes, but we ran out of wine around two in the morning," Beryl said sadly. "Since we had to be up at five, Mrs. Rees and I decided we should turn in. I had already moved my things into my new room, but I let Mrs. Rees have her old room for the time she was with us. I had moved into an empty room near the stairs.

"Now, I don't know if you've noticed, but a lot of the hallways and stairs at Downton look the same."

Everyone but Mrs. Field and Mrs. Philpotts nodded in agreement.

"Well, I must have gotten a bit turned around, because I could not locate my room. Every door I approached either had someone snoring behind it, or was locked. Finally, I was able to get into the bathroom.

"I can't explain why, but it seemed perfectly reasonable to me that I should just sleep in the bathroom. It was cold, but I had the brilliant idea to make a sort of bed in the tub. I was never going to find the closet with the towels, so I used what was in the hamper."

"And that's how they found her on Christmas morning!" Elsie declared casting an arm over Beryl's shoulder.

"Near scared me to death, they did," Beryl laughed on her friend's shoulder.

"I know," Elsie said, crying from her laughter. "I could hear you screaming clear over in the women's hall. We'd been looking for her for almost an hour."

"Mr. Carson didn't help things. He just stood there in shock," Beryl accused. "Silly, old goose."

"He was as frightened as you were, I think," Elsie assured her, still chuckling. "I couldn't get you out of his bathroom fast enough for his liking."

"What were you wearing?" Daisy asked in an awed voice. She couldn't imagine such a spectacle happening at Downton. "I mean, had you changed for bed?"

"Into what, lass? Weren't you paying attention? I couldn't find my room, let alone my nightgown."

"Still, you might have…you know…" Miss Baxter started before giggling furiously.

"You might have been undressed!" Daisy finished.

"Naked!" Miss Baxter burst, so loudly that the fellow patrons in the bar turned to look.

Beryl and Elsie stopped laughing and looked up at the barroom full of men. Then, they dissolved into hysterics.

"Now _that_ would have been a story!" Beryl managed to choke out. "Charles would have had a stroke where he stood!"

"Then I'm grateful you were fully clothed," Elsie laughed in return. "For my own sake as much as for his."

"I wouldn't have minded that one footman finding me in my altogether," Beryl admitted. "What were his name?"

"Theodore," Elsie said without hesitation.

"Aye, that were the one. He had those bright green eyes that made me tingle all over," Beryl said with a wicked look. "Billy's eyes do that to me too. Sometimes..."

"What happened next?" Kate interrupted, knowing her sister and worried what she might say next.

"What do you mean? Christmas happened next. It all went off without a hitch, of course," Beryl declared proudly. "It'll take more than a little wine to keep me from doing my job. In fact, let's have another round!"

"Fine," Elsie allowed cagily. "So long as you're sure that it will take more than a little wine to keep you from doing Mr. Mason tomorrow!"

Beryl took a playful swipe at Elsie, but only succeeded in knocking them both off their chairs and onto the floor where they continued laughing until the next round arrived.

-00-

"Did you ladies have fun?" Charles asked sleepily as the bedroom door opened.

"Mmhm," Elsie mumbled as she stumbled through the dark towards their bed. "Though I'll admit that switching to scotch was nae the best idea."

Her brogue was thick and her words all flowed together. Charles couldn't remember ever seeing his Elsie this inebriated.

"I hope you didn't let her drink too much, love, or she'll be in a state tomorrow. I promised Bill you'd look after her. He'll be very upset if she doesn't show up at the church on time."

"Don't worry so, Charles," Elsie scolded as she flopped onto the bed. "I have everything under control. She's safely tucked away in our bathtub. Or Lady Mary's, I'm not sure which it was."

"What?" Charles was suddenly wide away with alarm, but his wife was already asleep. Gently, he removed her shoes, loosened her hair and tucked the comforter around her.

Charles lay awake for almost half an hour debating whether or not to take his wife's declaration concerning Beryl's whereabouts seriously. He did not want to take the chance and go look for himself. He readily admitted to himself that he was too frightened by what he might find. Finally, the way Elsie kept chuckling in her sleep convinced Charles that it was just a joke and he drifted off to an uneasy sleep. By morning, Charles had completely forgotten her teasing.

At a quarter to six, Charles' shout and Beryl's screech woke half the house.

That night, Mrs. Mason had quite a tale to tell her new husband.

The End

* * *

 **AN/ This scenario was originally mentioned in 'Our Little Dream' Chapters 13 and 14. I thought everyone had a 'slept the night in a bathtub' story. I guess all my friends really ARE alcoholics:)  
**

 **Just for Chelsie Fan… definitely will not be two more chapters;) Go Hawks!**

 ****ETA- Mrs. Field is the cook at Crawley House. I'd like to think she and Beryl would have a sort of professional relationship. She would probably help Daisy with the wedding feast, since Daisy will be busy with Maid of Honor sort of stuff. IMO.**


End file.
